All over the world, people will be celebrating the holidays with grand dinners, gift-giving, and family get-togethers.

Yet, there will also be those dealing with abandonment issues, facing deep childhood wounds, and struggling with memories much rather forgotten. Cloaked in extravagance, the holiday season may feel like it’s rubbing your heart raw.

If you’ve been abused in any way or traumatized by a family member, you know full well the price of “playing family.”

So, how do you get through this season with peace of mind? How do you actually enjoy it? Most importantly, how do you face the person who caused you so much pain?

1. Recruit an Emotional Shield

If you know the person who traumatized you is going to be attending the same family holiday events as you, don’t go alone. Take someone to be your emotional shield. 

An emotional shield is a trusted friend or family member who serves as your guardian, per se. This person’s job is to be aware of your emotions as well as the situation. They are your buffer, preventing you from more internal injury.

Should the situational tone take a negative turn, your emotional shield will help you get out of it. Knowing this person has your safety in mind, you will feel more empowered to face someone who is toxic.

2. Set Limits and Boundaries

Simply because it’s the season for lengthy get-togethers and celebrations doesn’t mean you have to comply with tradition. Give yourself permission to set time limits and personal boundaries. After all, when you face a family member who has traumatized you, you probably don’t want to spend all your time in their presence.

So, don’t. You have the right to say, “no.”

For example, you could go to your cousin’s musical production and skip the after party. Do whatever feels “safe” to you.

 

3. Avoid the Holiday Hype 

Norman Rockwell presented a lovely family in his artwork Freedom from Want. But you may have a family history that is much different than what his oil on canvas represents. Your family history may be filled with abuse, yelling, belittling, etc.

It’s not uncommon to wish all that hurt to go away during the holidays. Or hope that you can magically enjoy this season like Rockwell’s family.

Despite your wishes and wants, toxic individuals rarely change. Thus, your family dynamics likely won’t either. This includes the person who traumatized you.

So, try not to fall for the holiday hype of “perfection.” Rather, embrace new traditions that truly make your heart happy.

4. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

Aside from celebrating the holidays, you may actually experience feelings of grief. It may seem counter-intuitive but let yourself experience these emotions and give yourself the space to feel the loss.

Depending on how and when you were traumatized, you may mourn a long lost childhood. Unsurprisingly, you may also grieve the idea of a happy family. That’s because feelings of grief often occur when you sense that a vital part of you is missing.

Unfortunately, toxic or abusive families can leave you wanting for security, love, and acceptance to name a few. To face the toxic person, let them transform in your heart from a sheep to a wolf.

5. Make the Holidays Yours 

Lastly—especially if you feel that your childhood has been robbed—reclaim the holiday season as your own. So, all those things you always wanted to do, do them!

This could mean getting excited about gifts or parties, dancing through the house to holiday tunes, or even wearing an ugly holiday sweater.

The person who traumatized you stole plenty of your cheer over the years. Take it back! Doing so will give you the power to be happy. Plus, when you do face that toxic individual, they won’t wield control over your emotions any longer. 

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Recovering from the pain of trauma is a deliberate process. Sometimes, you may feel that you’re at a standstill, unable to move forward. Please, reach out to me today if you’d like support in your trauma recovery. I’d be happy to help you find your path to healing and wholeness.