It can seem nearly impossible to break free from chains you can’t even see.

Nearly impossible.

Psychological abuse can feel like an invisible and intangible form of bondage. Its chains are strengthened link by link, often through years of abuse.

Sometimes stemming as far as childhood, psychological abuse plays toxic games with you.

A survivor of abuse herself, licensed therapist and expert on abuse recovery Shannon Thomas has outlined the way to break free from the toxic fetters of psychological abuse.

Coming in stages, here’s how.

Recognize the Feeling of Hopelessness 

What this type of abuse does to you is wrap you in a lasso of lies and ties you to a figurative plastic chair, making you believe you can’t actually move.

The first step away from that plastic chair is to genuinely feel your despair. It’s uncomfortable, this feeling of hopelessnesses. Likely, your battered soul is exhausted and you feel that you just can’t do it anymore.

It hurts. But it’s the first step towards healing. So, let yourself feel it and recognize it when it happens.

Learn All that You Can

In her book, Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, Thomas mentions that there must be a toxic person manual in print. The reason is that there’s always a pattern and many similarities in abusive situations.

So, the next step in your healing process is to hijack this “manual.” Educate yourself on toxic patterns and abusive tactics. Learn to identify what’s been done to you. Become familiar with terms like gas lighting, smear campaign, and flying monkeys. And let it all sink in.

Give “It” a Name 

After learning the strategies a psychological abuser employs, you’ll have a moment of enlightenment. It’s your “aha moment,” as Thomas calls it.

In this moment, the wool is lifted from your eyes. You can see clearly what’s been done to you and accept it as evil. In essence, you can call it by its name—psychological abuse.

Giving it a name may either stir up feelings of anger or bring about much-needed relief. More importantly, you learn that you’re not crazy like the toxic person said. Embrace this feeling wholeheartedly. 

Draw the Line in the Sand 

Though healing and recovery come in stages, the most anticipated part is where you get to escape from the abuser for good.

This is it!

Whether through no contact or minimal contact—as in many cases where shared children are involved—you begin detoxing. Ultimately, you gain enough emotional distance from feelings of loyalty towards the destructive person.

From this point on, you will commit to setting healthy personal boundaries and limits on every single relationship in your life.

Take Back Your Life

Mitigate, mitigate, mitigate. That’s the name of the game in this epic stage of recovery.

It’s now that you’ll likely battle impatience. But hang in there! Because restoration takes time. So, whether the toxic person damaged your physical health, finances, mental health, or all of the above, be patient.

This part often takes the longest, but avoid the temptation to rush it. Focus on restoring what you can restore when you can restore it. You’ll get there.

Buy the “Been There, Done that” T-shirt

The final phase of recovery will last your whole life long. It may even influence what you feel is your purpose in life like it did with Shannon Thomas. Through your experience and heartbreak, you may even save lives.

After all, you saved your own!

In this phase, you dedicate yourself to a steady pace forward, maintaining your life and personal boundaries like a champ. You safeguard your healing by forgiving yourself and others—neverletting go of the lessons learned.

—

If you’re ready to embark on your road to recovery, please contact me. Psychological abuse is invisible, but the wounds and scars are very tangible. I can help you shed light on the toxic shadows you may be facing and guide you towards a place of healing.

For more information on Abuse Therapy click here.