Suffering a substantial loss with the ensuing grief is a terrible feeling. You feel consumed by it. There is no way to escape. It sits like an enemy with you all the time. You feel despondent, numb, angry, betrayed, inconsolable, tired, discouraged, depressed. Your world has turned upside down. Maybe you feel terrified, displaced, hopeless, abandoned.
Grief and loss are inevitable in our lives although horrible to experience, ones that I know well. Whether it comes suddenly or gradually, the pain it presents is something we would all rather avoid. It can feel like a knife stabbing into our very being, an emptiness that permeates our body and spirit.
You have a choice even in these despairing times. Of course your first instinct is to deny it, to beat it back, chuck it underneath the carpet of consciousness, pretend it doesn’t bother you. But this nasty grief just doesn’t want to go away. Still it keeps popping back up.
Your choice is to keep on trying to pretend and hope for the best or your choice can be to face this foe head on and walk toward it to healing. If you do not face it head on it will follow you until you do.
Allowing the loss and the grief to be stuffed down and not acknowledged will only result in it coming up to the surface at a later date – guaranteed. It will still have to be dealt with, only it will then have other layers heaped upon it. The onion will have to be peeled.
SOME EXPLANATIONS ABOUT LOSS AND GRIEF
- Bereavement is the period of time immediately after the loss. Grief extends onward.
- Grief is concurrent with and follows loss. Grieving is a process with no fixed time frame. Grief will always be with you. How you choose to acknowledge and live with it is key. Know that we do not “move on”, we “move forward”.
- Complicated grief (meaning, for example, simultaneous losses or loss of someone with whom you have had a tumultuous relationship) involves diligence and perseverance toward acceptance and moving forward.
- Loss means any kind of loss – of someone or something significant in your life through death of a person or pet, divorce, a carefree childhood, a relationship, or loss of a dream, a job, health or home.
Loss of a carefree childhood is a loss we don’t often consider. This loss may be because of abuse you have experienced, when you have little or no choice but to survive anyway you can. Anger and/or depression may be pervasive in your life. Hypnotherapy is very helpful with this kind of loss. https://kcounselingdenver.com/therapy-specialties-survivors-of-childhood-abuse/- Chronic illness, another kind of loss, is unrelenting and constantly invasive to your life. Although the illness may not always be in full flare, some illnesses can be at times debilitating. Perhaps the illness is more a detriment to a family member or friend than it is to you. Grief over the loss of hearty health is relevant. Denial of the illness by yourself or others or the inability to talk about it may be present. These situations may lead to heavy frustration, emotional hurt and sadness, or a feeling of having your integrity questioned.
Counseling is so helpful when going through the grief. Grieving is a process, not a one time event, and receiving from a therapist the kind acceptance and understanding through the messy process of grieving is a gift.
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