Abuse: Past or Present

ABUSE: PSYCHOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, FINANCIAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL

This is the page you may be reluctant to read. Is it difficult to admit the abuse you are or were experiencing? Perhaps you aren’t sure that what happened to you was abuse. You think, “maybe, just maybe, what I experienced wasn’t abuse”. Maybe it was just someone who ‘knew’ better than you what it was. Even then it didn’t feel right to you.

Do not doubt yourself. If it didn’t seem right, it wasn’t. It is more than likely that you are or were abused if you are made to feel inconsequential or transparent. If you are feeling panicky or desperate reading this, do not despair. No, there is not an app for this, but there is so much help and healing and hope!

WHAT IS ABUSE?

Abuse is a particularly virulent behavior and/or words perpetrated by another person or persons that causes trauma, fear, loss of self esteem, and injury.

It feels insidious and shameful.

It is lack of respect for you as a person. Hiding it behind closed doors and threats to speak about it are a feature of many kinds of abuse.

MANY KINDS OF ABUSE

Abuse can take many forms:

psychological
emotional
spiritual
financial
physical
sexual
neglect (in childhood or old age particularly)
sexual harassment

Anytime you are treated as an object, you are being abused. Objectification is lack of respect for you as a person. All these forms of abuse are damaging and require help.

ABUSE KNOW NO BOUNDARIES

There are no boundaries of socio-economic status, age, religion, race, or gender with abuse. It is prevalent and destructive personally, socially, and culturally. Children are affected even if they themselves are not the targets. What they see done to an adult, particularly a parent, will have an effect on them. Elder abuse is another vulnerable population often overlooked. Do you know that elder abuse can happen in care facilities or by neglect at home? Be alert.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Psychological abuse happens when people play around with your mind. You begin to doubt yourself, your self esteem plummets, you think you may be going ‘crazy’ because you cannot believe that someone who professes to care about you, to love you, could become so mean and unfeeling toward you. Gaslighting is one of the ways abusive people play with your mind.

Usually that person, perhaps on first meeting, has made you feel on top of the world, that you are important, essential even, to them. These are people who can, and do, over time and often quite soon, destroy your sense of who you are.

You probably believe that you can change your abuser, that he or she is going through a tough time and will come back around to who you first knew. They won’t. Seem harsh? Know that they are often not interested in or capable of changing. Your only recourse is to get help from a trusted therapist or counselor.

When society, families, and individuals accept punitive behaviors and words as normal, the chances of abusive circumstances rise dramatically.

Be observant, think critically, and check your emotional responses to situations and words. Seek help if you are at the receiving end of these behaviors and words. Report suspected abuse to the authorities. If abuse is in your past, you carry the effects of it with you into the present and future unless you receive healing help.

For some of you, that person who abuses you is your mother (see https://www.kcounselingdenver.com/therapy-specialties/troubled-mother-daughter-relationships)

A component of being abused, not often thought about, is grief. Grief that this has happened to you, grief that the person who perpetrated the abuse is most often a person you originally trusted and loved. https://kcounselingdenver.com/therapy-specialties/grief-loss-death-divorce-dreams/

I AM HERE TO HELP YOU

If you are the target of abuse of any kind, or wondering if what you experience(d) is abuse, I will spend whatever amount of time it takes for you to feel safe talking about it.

I understand if you don’t feel ready to talk about it just yet, if you are scared that you will be judged, feel shame, or see yourself as an awful person because of what happened. We’ll get to know each other a bit, take the time you need. I am here to help you move forward to healing with gentleness and kindness to yourself.

I have heard many accounts of abuse, chances are pretty good that I’ve heard a story very much like yours. So I create a loving and safe space for you to proceed at your own pace.

Psychotherapy and hypnotherapy are both very useful in dealing with past and present abuses.

You can read more about this topic on the KC blog pages.